i am a Silent Fan

i am a Silent Fan
one that watches, but rarely comments
to You, i do not exist
or if i somehow do,
i am a face in the crowd,
another fan,
another skimmed memory
if we somehow met,
You would remember me, all right
as that odd girl that didn't talk
and maybe even broke down crying
i've been told that You are pretty cool,
so maybe you would be good about it?
maybe You would be able to sooth me?
but that would mean that i would meet You
i do not see that happening
it means money that i do not have
if i had the money, i would go
but i would flee,
too scared to even be close to You
You might disagree on the title,
You might prefer Shy Fan,
You might prefer Cowardly Fan
they both fit,
but i am a Silent Fan,
for even commenting on the book of face
is near impossible
do You even look at your fan's comments?
i made the joke about leveling up instead of birthdays
did You even notice,
or did You skim through them,
skipping over mine?
i want to know more about You,
but i am too scared to know
do you have a Twitter?
i will join if You do
after all, Twitter lets everyone see updates,
the book of faces allows maybe 20% to see them
to see what You are up to on the book of faces,
i have to actually go to Your profile
i find this scary,
only having done it three times:
to like Your page
to leave a birthday comment,
and to see what shenanigans You are up to
i like Your hair longer,
You just look odd with short hair to me
but what does my opinion matter to You?
You might never find out
if You did,
would You even care?
do You have a deviantART account?
i'll follow You if You do
i am a Silent Fan,
and this is hard to type up
if You find out,
will You appreciate it?
or will You skim over it and not care?
i know that English isn't your first language,
but surely You can get a translator?
one that can get the message through?
even if all You do is laugh at me?
i want to erase all of this,
never publish it
it is hard to type out,
can You understand?
or will You never notice?
will this ever cross Your attention?
or will it fall into the abyss, to be seen only briefly?
if You look,
You can see where i first learned of You
will this make a difference to You?
i am a Silent Fan,
and i am scared to post this
i won't even post it to Your wall
that is how scared i am
i would like a doll of You,
but the idea kind of creeps me out
but if the opportunity came,
i would get a doll of You
to place somewhere special
is this a fangirl crush?
i don't know
do You?
there is one other thing i'd like to say,
but my courage is failing,
so i won't